Parents and Depression

One thing I have learnt about elderly parents is it is easier and more gracious to accede to their wishes. Don’t fight it like you have something to prove.

I remember several memorable battles over new appliances. The “kids” want to buy them for their parents; the answer is no, the new toaster, dishwasher, etc. are not needed. We accede.

Things can reach a critical point when it comes to moving a parent into assisted living or a nursing home. Too many “kids” try to rush things. They forget that a lifetime together is a powerful bond and whether we call it habit or love or something else, it is not our place to drive a wedge into that relationship. The effect can be dramatic. Assuming there is no real urgency, these are decisions that must be arrived at slowly and inevitably. What’s the hurry?

Once a parent passes on, it is natural for the other parent to be sad but don’t overdo the support, rearranging their life and insisting on that new toaster. I suppose it’s better than kids disappearing from sight. Either way - don’t. Spending time together shopping or accompanying them to the library (while remaining placid) is a big contribution to your parent’s well-being. These things take time and evidence suggests most parents come out of their grief eventually.

Isolation and loneliness nourish depression. Strongly encourage elderly parents to get out of the house frequently, from morning walks to visits to the coffee shop to continuing to drive. Senior centers provide company, entertainment, and food for the mobile and independent adults. It is a pity that Encino Community Center is not able to host one of these (like Van Nuys-Sherman Oaks), but LA City’s Senior Citizen Nutrition Program serves hot meals five days a week to specific locations across the Valley and the Department of Recreation and Parks provides hot, home delivered meals to low income "shut-in" senior citizens – details about both programs on the City website here.

Adult daycare also can be an option – offering transportation, health and social work services as well as the company of others, food, exercise and entertainment. Some, like One Generation, combine adult and child daycare allowing the opportunity for the older generation to interact with substitute grandchildren. If you want to check them out, website here.